1. Practice self pleasuring which is different from masturbation. Masturbation is how most of us scratch the itch quickly so we can get on to some other activity. Instead, consider it a daily practice without the goal of orgasm, merely for the purpose of arousal to keep the fire of your sexual energy stoked. That way, it takes a smaller spark to bring it to life for lovemaking with your partner. Try touching, stimulating, arousing and caressing our bodies and genitals purely for the pleasure of the touch without seeking orgasm and, in fact, stopping or slowing down the stimulation if we are "too close" to the edge. The great thing about going repeatedly to the edge without ejaculatory orgasm is that orgasms tend to be much more intense when you do ejaculate. And, in fact, if you practice enough, you can actually train your body to experience the sensations of orgasm without ejaculation, which is what can help you to extend your pleasure, and many men will also experience multiple and full body orgasms Now, some men complain that they don't enjoy masturbation, and to that I respond, "Tough! If you are not willing to spend some effort training your body, why would your partner want to spend her time on you?" And, it's likely that if you are successful in using some of these techniques, you may interest her in helping you to raise sexual energy more often.
2. Do kegels. You may have heard of kegels as the exercise women are told to do before and after childbirth. Both men and women should do kegels for all of their lives because strong sexual muscles provide stronger orgasms and more sexual energy. To locate the muscle, stop the flow of urine the next time you are peeing. It's sort of like squeezing the anus, but instead, you focus on the sex organ. Do a series of short contractions and then squeeze, hold as long as you are able and then release. Since no one can tell you are doing them, do them frequently whenever you're waiting in line, when you see any kind of street sign. In fact, while driving, do kegels and combine it with a hip thrust to unlock your hips and sexual energy.
   
3. Breathe and visualize your energy. Usually when we are highly aroused, we start breathing faster, even hyperventilating. But, if you consciously slow down your breathing, you'll feel more centered so that you can visualize moving your sexual energy up your spine to the top of your head and then back down again to your penis. This visualizing your energy thing is a little "woo woo" for a lot of people, but give it a try. Fake it 'til you make it, because you can actually create sensation throughout your body simply by imagining it.
4. Combine all of these together in daily practice twice a day for at least 15 minutes. And, if you are truly determined, you will work longer at it than that. One man engaged three times daily in self pleasuring often for 30 minutes at a time and, now, at 58, he is able to get an erection whenever he wants and have intercourse for as long as he wants. A tool that has helped some men after recovering from a stroke or surgery is a penis pump. You can order a super-duper $500 pump from Timm Medical called "Erec-Aid ," or the down-scaled $170 version, but the key in either case is your willingness to put the time in. So, why not get started right now with the tool you have in hand, your hand and some good lubricant? Or, for a different sensation, try the Fleshlight Stamina Training System accompanied by a little porn to get you started...
5. Expand your idea of sex. Sensual and sexual pleasure can be found in lots of ways besides intercourse. Just because intercourse defined sex for you back in the days when you merely fantasized about it does not mean that intercourse is the only way to enjoy sexual pleasure. Perhaps we need to change our idea of how we get pleasure. To get an idea of how many possibilities there are for erotic stimulation, check out The Human Sex Map. Not many people know that even if a man can not get a strong erection (particularly after prostate surgery, a prostatectomy), he can still have an orgasm with proper stimulation. Both women and men can learn how to touch to give and receive pleasure and learning to enjoy sensual touch is less stressful than other activities, which is why one of the principle techniques I coach men, women and couples to use is touch, providing sensual stimulation with the hands and other body parts. To find your path to more pleasure, contact askaphrodite.com
   
   (c) 2010 askaphrodite.com
   

1. Practice self pleasuring which is different from masturbation. Masturbation is how most of us scratch the itch quickly so we can get on to some other activity. This kind of quickie masturbation is also how we train our bodies to reach orgasm quickly. So, to re-train our bodies, try touching, stimulating, arousing and caressing our bodies and genitals purely for the pleasure of the touch without seeking orgasm and, in fact, stopping or slowing down the stimulation if we are "too close" to the edge. I recommend using your hand but for a different sensation, you might try the Fleshlight Stamina Training System .
2. Get to the edge and back down. The edge --on a scale of one to 10-- is 8.5 or 9 if 10 is where you'll explode. So, bring your body right up there to that edge and then back it down, raise the energy up again, up and down. If you ejaculate, make it a good one! There is nothing wrong with going for an orgasm, or having one catch you by surprise, but the ejaculatory orgasm will be more intense the more times you bring yourself to that edge.
3. Breathe. Usually when we are highly aroused, we start breathing faster even hyperventilating. But, if you consciously slow down your breathing, you'll feel more centered rather than right on the edge, ready to fall off the cliff before you are ready.
4. Take a pee break. No, I'm not kidding. One doctor I spoke to suggested that pressure from the bladder can make a man feel the urge to ejaculate more strongly. In any case, if you get up out of bed, walk to the bathroom and pee, the break from lovemaking will probably help you to back down from the edge. At least pee before you start!
5. Communicate with your partner about this practice before lovemaking so she will understand why you are slowing down or stopping those wildly exciting strokes. A good thing to say is, "I want to be able to give you as much pleasure as you can possibly tolerate so I'm working on riding the edge of pleasure for myself, too." And, you might ask her to lend a hand for your self pleasuring practice.

Good question! Why would anyone want to deny pleasure?

Well, let me first de-bunk the myth that Tantra is about denying pleasure. Infact, Tantra --as I teach and practice it-- serves to expand sensualand sexual pleasure.

For individuals and couples, Tantra offers:

•     Intimacy
•     Passion
•     Energy
•     Ecstasy (without drugs!)
•     An opportunity to heal sexual, spiritual and emotional issues.

After studying and practicing Tantra for a dozen years, I describe it as practice of meditation, a way to "be here now." Totally alive and in the moment!

What attracted me initially to Tantra is that, in order to practice, you don't have to deny the body or sensual pleasure. No sitting for hours on end with your legs crossed, not moving , watching your breath go in and out.I’ve tried that kind of meditation and find it very challenging. And,yet, I know that I --like most people-- need to slow down, clear my mind and refresh my spirit. That need attracted me to Tantra.

In Tantric practice, you may engage in "sensate focus," paying attention to sensation and pleasure in the body while in a relaxed state. To get the picture, imagine yourself lying down, eyes closed, in a comfortable, safe space, letting go of clocks and time and having no goal but to pay attention to sensations in your body. The Tantrica (practitioner of Tantra, sometimes called a "dakini") serves as your guide, leading you on a journeyto pleasure. At points on the journey, you might inhale pleasant scents,feel a soft caress, sense energy moving throughout your body or taste something divine.

Sound sort of “woo-woo” to you?

Yes,I laugh at this description, too. I’m a practical person, and I need to have things proven to me. Thus, I never push accepting Tantric beliefs or practices. Instead, I ask only that you choose to be a little curious and try it out to see if it's for you. I mean, how bad could it be to give your body, mind and spirit a chance to slow down, relax and not have to do anything –you don’t have to perform or respond in any particular way. The only thing you need to do is pay attention to pleasurable sensations.

That’s it? Just relax, pay attention and enjoy?

Yep,the word Tantra actually translates as “weaving together” so privates essions are designed to give you an experience of Tantric meditation, weaving together sensory delights and exploration.Later, you may decide to go further and deepen your practice by learning more techniques. But, the introductory session is guaranteed to be pleasurable, enlightening and rejuvenating to body, mind and spirit. And you just might learn something about how to enjoy more pleasure!

Clients have said:

"My first session was incredible! I experienced tingling throughout my entire body and sensations totally out of this world. Can't wait for my next visit!" --Gary from Nipomo

"I've told all my girlfriends about you. They need to stop being so afraid of something new and call you up. Right now!" --Carol from Santa Barbara

In other articles in this blog on “What to Expect in Your First Session,” “Expanding Your Pleasure,” “What Does This Fabulous Thing Called Tantra Cost?” and “Tantric Daily Practices,” I’ll explore what delights await you by picking up the phone or emailing to make an appointment. Just to give you a hint...what made me schedule my first session was the possibility ofreaching an ecstatic state --pure pleasure-- beyond anything I'd ever experienced.

© 2010 Andrea for www.askaphrodite.com

Call 805-904-5051 or email  info@askaphrodite.com to inquire.